my head is spinning. i am cranky. i can't concentrate. there's a POSSIBLE light at the end of the tunnel...but all the "what ifs" won't leave me alone. i can;t sleep. i have a constant headache. i keep trying to put ona happy face...but it's eating at me. WHAT IF no one can come up with the means to get me out from under that line of credit and all of mema's future care. WHAT IF???? i CANT stop thinking about it. what am i going to do?????? seriously. worry about it when the time comes????? the time is now. with every passing day i am a little closer to being out of money to take care of her. i'm really and truly freaking out inside.

other than that... yay. i love everything else. seriously. but the other is overshadowing the happy.