i just want things to work out. that's all. i want to stay put for a little longer. i want this all to work out for everyone..but also for me. selfish? maybe. i've sacrificed a large piece of me and my family's life, not without reward at all, don't get me wrong. hell, simply put i want all of this to work out on my terms. at least sort of even. geez.

got a lead at the nursing home today. am def going to follow it to the end. won't take long to get there either way.

today's been super crazy. voting day. care meeting for mema. work. a very sick jackson. a closed pediatrician's office. (wtf?)

tomorrow i have jury duty in the am and have to find a way to make some calls regarding mema and get jackson seen by a doctor. i've got to find her damn original power of attorney.

i've got eric's fafsa filled out he's going to start his master's soon. johnny starts school in january. it never slows down. and everything just gets more and more complex.

it's getting cold. i hate it. i want to go south. beach and warmth. heaven.

i'm so busy right now...ginny and bailey and maddox are packing up to move and it doesn't even seem real. :( they are right next door...but not for much longer. i wish i could just take off of work for 2 weeks and help them. :( sucks so bad. i'll miss maddox running at me yelling "sissy!" everytime i walk in the door. :( wah. wah. wah. selfish me. r goes my way. blah.

i'm a freaking pity party. all i ever say is how the world is against me and never goes my way. maybe i just need to be quiet.

i hope we can find the rest of the money for the cruise. paying for four people to go is hurting. big time!!!!!!!!!!!!! i'm angry that we can't fly to key west to see dawn and rad. they've offered to put us up and feed us. awesome! so it would just be the flights there and back. but i can't justify it. :( dammit. not with christmas coming especially.

got to get busy on thanksgiving too.

i'm exhausted. going to bed. hope i can shut my mind off tonight and sleep.