i'm feeling so completely overwhelmed. life has been so good lately and i keep pushing all this financial crap with mema to the back of my head. but today it is in my face. today i sign on the dotted line. sign for a line of credit on the PAID FOR house that i was to inherit FREE and CLEAR from mema and granddaddy. i'm going to incur so much debt. way more than i ever thought would be hanging over my head. everyone involved thinks they are worse off than me apparently. i don't understand how. i've got my jeep debt. thousands of dollars worth of credit card debt still. eric's $30,000 of student loans hanging over us. a son about to start college. a son starting high school. omg. the list goes on and on. but because i get the house mema is ALL MY responsibility. i wish i could make sense of that. just because they wanted me to have the house makes me have to carry the entire financial burden??? :( so unfair. so very unfair. i always dreamed of living on that land in that house until i died. having my kids come home to there. having grand kids there. but now...i see no other out but to sell it and HOPEFULLY get enough money to pay off the loan and to be able to take care of mema as long as she is here. how is $5533 per month for a nursing home not a rip off???????????? UGH. the line of credit will run out way before mema is gone. and then what????????? omg. i'm in a panic today. this just confirms my new found discovery that i want to sell it all and get the fuck out of hinesville. i never imagined. :( ...anyone want to recommend a good realtor?? i'm so dead serious.

this whole situation is doing well to drive the biggest wedge into the middle of this family. did no one even notice that we didn't have the annual 4th of july flag hanging and cook out??? no. they didn't. we've started falling apart. granddaddy is probably roling over in his grave. :(

i HATE you Alzheimer's.