WHY does no one else ever worry or care as much as i do????????????? i want to be able to not feel so much pressure all the time too!!!!!!!!!! UGH. *stomps feet and throws temper tantrum* i hate so many things about myself. and i hate how much i care.

every day it's more evident how much my extended family is falling apart. hell, so much of it has fallen apart. and it sucks. i thought that part of my life would always be the same. it's been falling apart since granddaddy died...and ever since mema got sick...forget it! ugh. ugh. ugh. whatever. i'll do what I can do until i can't do anymore. isn't that what i always do? i hate how we've let our situation pull us apart at the seams. i wish granddaddy was here.
i can't wait to get the fuck out of hinesville. more and more everyday. when i first entertained the idea of moving i still wanted to stay close to be able to visit often. that's honestly not even a factor anymore. so sad. especially if you know THIS family. it's such a shame. i wish i could relocate to a tropical island and sell crafts in a market place. far far away in a small island paradise. i don't think i'd ever look back...as lonmg as my kids came too. lol

it sucks that i have to hold a 9 to 5, m-f, job. it really does. because there's no time for me to take care of everything else. *SCREAMS*

i feel like hell. started stressing out sunday evening when i got the call that mema had fallen again. i was laying down with a headache. then i find myself in savannah at the hospital until after 1 am...then just to start my full time job a few hours later on a crappy monday morning. i haven't missed a day yet going to visit her. or at work. i'll be there tonight again. and let's don't even go to the added stress of the financial situation. FML. FFFMMMLLL.
i've got a fever blister...from stress. and i've got a horrible sore throat and earache. maybe i'm getting run down? maybe i picked up a bug at the hospital. idk. i know i don't feel good.

this is my place to rant and rave or to ooo and ahh. if you don't like what i have to say... don't fucking read it. i don't claim to be holier than thou. i don't claim to be doing it all...but i do claim to be carrying the bulk of the load. the burden of it all is on my back. don't say it isn't.

*cries*