so i fell off of my blog therapy over the long weekend. the weekend involved me missing eric incredibly because he was down in waycross. and drinking way too much with ginny, then ginny and bailey and lots of other friends. *sigh*

it was a very busy and action packed weekend. lots of fun stories to tell. but all that got overshadowed by the weekend's close. eric texted me sunday and said he wanted to see me. he missed me. but me and ginny and bailey had just headed out of town for the bight. then monday eric wanted to have lunch. said he just wanted to see me. i was too hungover to see him. then yesterday we met for lunch. a late lunch. we talked about everything that's been going on in our separate lives. he told me all about his weekende in waycross. said he wasn't doing anything that i couldn't have been there to witness. *sigh* then why wasn't i there???????????? he was wearing his wedding ring again. i cried. a lot. it was so good to see him. i love his face. i love him. he makes my heart pound. i had butterflies like a first date that had so much potential. he said he was still trying to figure out what he wants to do with his life. had no real clue yet i do believe. :( makes me so sad. he's been gone over 3 weeks now. we talked for a long time. i had a few drinks. then i became a bawling pathetic woman that just grated his nerves. i hate myself so much sometimes.

i begged for him to spend some time with me...physically. i said i was pathetic. he did. it was great for a little while. then it went quickly bad and then worse. i was a mess again. a freaking wreck. *sigh*

and now it's been over 24 hours since he's returned a text or phone call or email. how much does it take to get through this thick head of mine???????? UGH. why do i have to love a man so completely who doesn't love me back??????

i had a very intense therapy session today. not a lot of fun.

all i can think about is eric. i need to be thinking about girls weekend that's almost here. *sigh* trying.

i took johnny and jackson and elena and kyle and kevin to supper tonight to gtfo of the house. bailey met us later for some food. now here i am buried back in my comforter on the couch.

i want a leave of absence at work. i am MISERABLE. a broken heart is hell. pure hell.