been bummed all day. danielle came to spend the day with me. nicest and most personal visit we've had in a long time. got my phone replaced. had a great visit with mema. spent some time with ginny and maddox. tried to eat a real meal today and puked my guts out. my body is so physically sick over this heartache. it's such bullshit. pity party. broken record. yeah i know. well i'm sad. unbelievably so. i'm exhausted. can't do any more with the house right now. blah. don't want to. i seriously want to give up. right this moment i do. i think i'm just sad and tired. overly tired. wait. is that depression? HA.

how could he? and why won't he? that's all i keep asking myself. i HAVE to quit beating myself up. HAVE TO.

i didn't get to fly today. it rained. so...yeah, the whole freaking world is working against me moving on and doing things. hilarious isn't it?

i'm going to take a nap. i hope.