i took the kids to the mall this afternoon. i tried to have fun. a dress, two necklaces, five headbands, a sweater, 5 tank tops, a shirt, two paid of flats, a pair of wedges and the awesomest polka dotted high heels ever...i felt a little better. everything in the damn mall reminded me of eric. EVERYTHING reminds me of eric. it's utterly ridiculous. so sad.

i am going to wallow here on the couch again tonight. but this weekend...with ginny's help...she promised!!!...we are going to work on my new room. i HAVE to get moved out of the living room and into a bedroom. i need SOME normalcy. i need a routine.

i'm sad...but i need a routine again. i have to get busy. i have to cook. i have to clean.

and OMG saturday i'm really taking that flying lesson. OMG. and next weekend is girl's weekend in savannah! and then NY. omg. can't even believe it. i always wanted to travel everywhere with eric...but i'm gonna get on a big old airplane by myself and try and make it. lol

eric told me today that i have "always" been my own person. that's complete bullshit. i have been everyone else's around me's person. (pardon the grammar). i've GOT to find me. got to!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!