so i had to go to a seminar today. i didn't know a single person there. after i got seated i had a full blown panic attack. AND my xanax was at the office. i realized with this overwhelming feeling of terror that i was alone in a room full of people. totally alone. feral talked me through it by text. she distracted me and i made it through. it sucked though. WHERE IS ALL THIS EMPOWERMENT THAT I WANT TO FEEL????????????????? where is it???? i keep trying to talk it, but where IS it??????????? i dislike my self so much. i really do. i want to like me. i used to like me. but this pathetic person i have become just disgusts me. i want things to get better NOW. i want to feel better NOW. ...at least soon? is that too much to ask? :( i'm so sad. and i'm tired of it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i'm dipping out of here. will probably get in trouble. i'm going to spend the afternoon with my boys. they make me smile.
i have all of this unbelievable love and support....why do i still feel so lonely? so alone?
aprilinwonderland
You will like yourself again. Unfortunately, you have had a husband that slowly and meticulously drained any self esteem from you for the past few years. He did it on purpose because he is a terrible person who hates HIMSELF. You will get it back. I promise. And this time NO ONE will be able to take it away again. You deserve happiness. Keep telling yourself that. It's true.
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